


(all these memories) run my mind in slow motion

by cornerkick



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:34:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22594411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cornerkick/pseuds/cornerkick
Summary: It’s been years, but watching Sonny walk into Providence Park in the wrong-colored jersey never gets any easier. It’s not exactly the purple and white she’d worn for two seasons before being selected by the Atlanta expansion team, but the black still looks really out of place among the sea of red.ORthe soran sci-fi fic.
Relationships: Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett
Comments: 12
Kudos: 77





	(all these memories) run my mind in slow motion

**Author's Note:**

> here it is! what i've lovingly called "sci-fi fic" now has a name and a home.
> 
> this has been in my head since immediately after the trade and the first scene or two has been written for about a month.
> 
> you'll have to suspend your disbelief a little bit for this one, folks. this will be a few chapters long. i haven't decided how many yet but this is just a set-up/prologue. 
> 
> title is from dermot kennedy's "rome"
> 
> all typos are mine and mine alone

It’s been years, but watching Sonny walk into Providence Park in the wrong-colored jersey never gets any easier. It’s not exactly the purple and white she’d worn for two seasons before being selected by the Atlanta expansion team, but the black still looks really out of place among the sea of red.

They line up by number, which means they wind up side by side in the tunnel, a pair of sixteens waiting to take the field. If Lindsey closes her eyes, she can _ almost _go back in time to their seasons playing for this team together. 

They’re standing so close that their shoulders are almost touching and Emily shifts her weight enough to nudge Lindsey’s lightly. She keeps looking straight ahead, but Lindsey can see the shadow of a grin creeping upon her mouth from here.

Lindsey kicks her as the procession starts out of the tunnel. 

“Keep your head up, Horan,” Sonny calls as they peel off to their respective sides of the field. 

When they walk out, there’s a chorus of boos intermixed with the cheers. Then, as one, the Riveters start humming. If Lindsey focuses enough, she can make out that they’re not just humming along to the _ Harry Potter _ score. It’s _ Son _, over and over, to that tune. 

Lindsey’s heart swells. 

This happens every time Sonny comes back to Portland, but Emily never stops playing to the crowd. She blows them kisses as she warms up and hangs around after the matches to sign and take pictures. 

Last time, she even got a rose from a fan. 

It _ sucks _. 

Lindsey knows, in the back of her mind, that she should be happy for Sonny. She’s got Kelley and Mal and a handful of young kids who are hungry to prove themselves. She’s close to home and family. And, last Lindsey checked on Instagram, she also had a pretty girlfriend.

She should be happy for her and she _ is. _

She just misses her a lot, too. 

Most of the old Thorns have moved on or retired by now. Tobin’s got the arm band, but when she gets subbed out in the second half, she always hands it off to Lindsey. Lindsey doesn’t _ feel _ like a veteran in this league. She just feels like she needs to bring another NWSL championship to Portland before Tobin steps away like Sinc did, and that pressure is making her play tight. 

But games against Sonny are always better. They always make bets before them and the winner gets bragging rights for months. Lindsey finishes warming up and jogs back towards midfield. 

They only really do this in Portland during league play, because it doesn’t feel right if they don’t.

They’re still on the same internal clock despite often being in different timezones. Emily turns at the same time and they lock eyes across the field. Sonny’s grin is contagious and by the time she meets her at the midfield line, Lindsey’s cheeks kind of hurt from smiling. 

“Ready to buy me dinner?” Emily asks, holding out her hand. 

“Ready to _ cook _ mine?” Emily rolls her eyes, but the smile doesn’t leave her face. There’s a little flutter in Lindsey’s chest, like this is where they’re supposed to be. The fans take notice of them and a ripple goes through the crowd. 

“Well?” Emily barks out a laugh. “We better give the people what they want.” 

They do their handshake and before Sonny can jog back to her own backline, Lindsey reaches out to pull her into a hug. If Emily’s surprised, she doesn’t show it. She hugs her back just as tightly. Lindsey ruffles Emily’s hair as she runs off, turning to blow Lindsey a kiss as she does. 

-

They each score one in the first half. Lindsey manages to reach a cross in just before one of Atlanta’s rookie defenders and notices Sonny with her arm around the kid’s shoulders, explaining the blown coverage, more than her own team piling on her for the celebration.

Sonny then finds one of her own rookies streaking down the wing and she picks the top corner like it’s nothing. 

Playing against Emily is _ fun _ in a way playing against other defenders isn’t. Kelley’s a fantastic defender, too, but Lindsey isn’t laughing when _ Kelley _ slide tackles her so hard she falls over. 

They both end up in a heap just outside the eighteen. Emily pops to her feet first. She offers Lindsey a hand up and they both fall back into the play like nothing happened at all, even though Tobin is rolling her eyes at them from across the pitch.

They’re pressing in the 80th minute. The Thorns get a corner kick and Tobin lines it up. Lindsey knows what to expect before the ball leaves Tobin’s foot. She counts it out in her head before leaping into the air. 

Tobin’s sent the ball in perfectly. Lindsey can tell it’s going to go in as soon as she makes contact. 

She doesn’t get the chance to celebrate it.

As she comes down, her head collides painfully with one of the opposing player’s. There’s a sickening _ crack. _When she lands, Lindsey’s head bounces off the turf, too. 

The last thing she sees before her vision goes dark is Emily’s face, brows knit and forehead wrinkled.

-

And then she’s back in the locker room.

Or, well, _ a _ locker room. 

It’s definitely not Providence Park. This room’s smaller and the colors are all wrong. When Lindsey looks up from the floor, she’s pretty sure she’s hallucinating.

They’re wearing the old white away kits from a few seasons ago. Her teammates all look four years younger. Caitlin’s still there, because she’s arguing with Ellie about something while Sinc (Sinc? Sinc’s _ retired _) tries to get them all to focus for the second half. 

When Lindsey leans back in her cubby, she locks eyes with Emily.

Emily, in her grass-stained white uniform and sleeves so long her hands are almost covered. Sonny, who’s chewing on a Twizzler and has one Airpod in. Em, who catches her gaze, rolls her eyes, and mouths _ kill me _ before Mark walks in and gets them all to their feet and ready to go back out there. 

It’s as they’re walking down the tunnel towards the pitch that Lindsey realizes they’re in Utah. 

-

It takes Lindsey a few moments to get her bearings. This field’s been renovated since she was here before -in _ this _ game, four years ago. What the hell was _ happening _? How hard had she hit her head? 

The scoreboard reads 1-0 Royals.

Something cold prickles at the base of Lindsey’s spine as she stares as it. She can’t quite pinpoint why she feels so...anxious. 

Still, as soon as the game picks back up, Lindsey’s right back to receiving passes and dribbling down the field. The crisp cross-field pass that hits her in stride is so familiar and comforting that Lindsey doesn’t even have to look to see who’s kicked it. No one connects with her on the field quite like Sonny does. 

They go back and forth into the 76th minute. And _ that’s _ when it hits her. 

This was the game that started the beginning of the end. It’s the one where Emily gets the red card and ARod loses her shit and all hell breaks loose. And that’s about to happen, like, _ right now _. 

Lindsey stops what she’s doing to track Sonny across the pitch. One of the Thorns has the ball, but in thirty seconds, she’s going to concede it to Amy and then-

“Sonny!” Lindsey hears her own voice as if from far away. “Drop back!” 

Emily gives her a questioning look, but does what she says. She falls back and that makes Menges follow Emily, and the entire back line falls back into position as ARod breaks in. 

Lindsey holds her breath as the play unfolds in slow motion in front of her. She can _ see _ Emily getting beaten and hauling Amy down so clearly in her head, but that doesn’t happen at all. Emily forces her wide and her shot flutters harmlessly into AD’s outstretched hands. 

“What the fuck,” Lindsey mutters to herself. 

“Yeah, I know,” Hayley says as she jogs past. “That could’ve been messy.”

“You have _ no _idea.”

-

Lindsey can’t use her power of premonition for the rest of the game, because everything changes with Emily still in it. 

She’s playing with a purpose, cutting off Utah’s strikes and even saving a goal by blocking a shot on the goal line. During the 88th minute, AD sends the ball to Sonny and Lindsey knows to start taking off before Emily even glances in her direction. 

Sonny carries the ball with confidence, evades one Royals defender and _ then _ looks up. Lindsey crosses into the eighteen just as the ball leaves her foot, and she gets her left foot on it before the Utah goaltender can react. 

1-1. 

Lindsey turns around just in time for Emily to throw her entire body at her. Lindsey laughs and catches her while they both fall. Lindsey’s back hits the turf and she presses her fingers into Emily’s hips. Their momentum carries them down and now Emily’s practically straddling her. The weight feels solid and she can _ feel _ the warmth of Sonny’s skin through her shorts, but it doesn’t make _ sense. _

Emily’s eyes look really blue in the stadium lights. Lindsey presses her thumb into Sonny’s hip. Sonny’s got her hands on Lindsey’s shoulders and she opens her mouth to say...something, but then Tobin and Hayley are upon them. The rest of the team piles on seconds later.

“You’re a superstar, Lindsey Horan!” Emily yells from the middle of the huddle. 

“That pass!” She screams back, lifting her hand to Emily’s neck, thumb against her jaw. She thinks she feels her pulse jump a little bit before Tobin’s hauling them both to their feet.

“Two minutes, let’s go!”

Emily slaps her ass as she runs back to the defensive third.

Lindsey is going to die. 

-

They draw with the Royals. 

Emily finds her after and makes her pose for goofy pictures with Becky and Kelley who has been watching from the sideline. There’s even a fan with a sign asking for Sonny, so she jogs over to sign it before returning to the locker room.

Lindsey goes through her post-game routine methodically, trades her jersey, still with the number ten, for street clothes in a locker she doesn’t remember using and then enters the mixed zone. They want to talk to her because she scored, but she really just wants to get to the bus and try and figure out what the hell is going on.

A quick glance at her phone reveals an old model and the timestamp September 6, 2019. The room seems to tilt on its axis a bit and she feels like she’s going to pass out.

Someone grabs her arm as she sways. Lindsey turns to see Tobin staring at her with furrowed brows and pursed lips. “You good?” 

She must not look good.

“I’m okay,” she lies, plastering a smile on her face and stepping further into the mixed zone. 

“Lindsey,” one of the reporters calls, waving her over. She squares her shoulders and walks in that direction. Wearing the armband when Tobin’s not playing means she’s had to do more and more media over the years, but that doesn’t mean she enjoys it. 

“What did you think of the first half?” Is the first question someone asks her and Lindsey wasn’t even here, in this year, for the first half, so she has to wrack her brain for what even might have happened. She’s played dozens of games since then. Other than Sonny’s red card and her own yellow, she has no recollection of what happened this match.

She remembers walking onto the pitch and seeing the scoreboard and then thinks about Kelley laughing about Becky’s goal. 

“We were down early, so we just had to stop letting them dictate the pace and start pressing the other way without fouling them.” Lindsey smiles wryly and shakes her head. “Sometimes we get into trouble with that.”

“Can you walk us through your goal?”

Lindsey nods. “Yeah, it was just a really good play by Sonnett. She knew where she was going before she even got that ball and we’ve been playing together long enough that I knew I just had to get there. Great ball in by her.” 

At that exact moment, Emily walks by and holds her phone out like she’s recording her answers, too. “And where are we going to get our victory meal tonight, Linds?”

“We didn’t win,” she points out, already disengaging from the reporters and falling into step with Emily.

“We _ also _ didn’t lose.” 

She has a point. Lindsey shrugs, allowing herself to fall back into old habits and stepping on Emily’s perpetually untied shoelaces. She stumbles, almost loses her balance, but throws her arms out like she’s walking a tightrope and spins on one foot before regaining it.

“I don’t care,” Lindsey says, laughing despite herself. “You pick.” 

They’re among the last back on the bus, but their usual seats near the back are waiting for them. Sonny slides into the window seat and Lindsey sinks down beside her. They touch from their shoulders to their sneakers because Emily’s leaning away from the cool window in favor of leaning into Lindsey. 

She offers her an AirPod and they settle in for the ride. 

Lindsey’s surprised they’re driving overnight, but Emily reminds her they have a quick turnaround with a game against the Courage midweek, so their off day will be tomorrow. That means they’ve got a long bus ride ahead of them for Lindsey to try and decide whether or not the head injury she’d gotten in the game against Atlanta had caused some kind of permanent damage or not.

One of Sonny’s playlists is on. It’s one she remembers, sort of. It’s got a handful of softer songs on it instead of the usual compilation of remixes and rap. Emily takes her hand like she always does, like she still does when they travel with the National Team. Without really thinking about it, Lindsey laces their fingers and gives her hand a light squeeze. 

Emily is solid and warm and real beside her even though she’s not supposed to be here. Neither of them are supposed to be here. Lindsey’s in Portland and Emily’s in Atlanta and it’s not supposed to be 2019 at all. 

Lindsey has a headache. She decides to stop thinking about it for the ride back to Portland. It’s not like she can _ do _ anything about it anyway. 

(It’s not like she’d really want to even if she could.)

It doesn’t take long for Emily to drift off to sleep beside her. She turns in towards Lindsey and rests her head on Lindsey’s shoulder. Her grip goes slack in Lindsey’s hand, though she doesn’t let go of Sonny’s. Instead, she just shifts enough to wrap her arm loosely around Emily’s shoulders and leans her head back against her seat and lets Emily’s music put her to sleep. 

-

When they get back to Portland, Emily drags Lindsey to one of their favorite spots. Walking into the diner makes Lindsey feel a little bit like the time Rose kicked a soccer ball at her gut full-force. She doesn’t really go to Black Bear anymore. It was one of _ their _ places and it always felt weird without Emily at her side.

The place is mostly empty, so they have their choice of booths near the window. 

It’s only when they’re sitting across from each other that Lindsey notices the Adidas hoodie Emily’s wearing. She hasn’t seen that sweatshirt in years. It was one of her favorites. Her hair is pulled back in a messy bun and her brows are furrowed, tongue poking out slightly as she studies the menu like they haven’t been here a million times before.

“What?” Emily asks when she lays the menu flat. “Do I have something on my face?” She swipes at her nose with the too-long sleeve of her (Lindsey’s) sweatshirt. 

Lindsey blinks herself back to her new reality and shakes her head. “Nothing,” she says, voice low. Emily raises one eyebrow. Lindsey clears her throat. “Just think it’s kind of funny that you’re reading the menu like you’re not going to get the three-cheese grilled cheese like always.”

Emily’s busy stacking the coffee creamer into a tiny pyramid. She doesn’t even look up when she says “It’s a classic.” She flings one of the creamers at Lindsey, who lifts a hand to catch it easily. “And you’re going to get the turkey melt, like always. Some things never change.”

And maybe they don’t have to. 

-

“Ice cream?” Emily asks as soon as they step outside. Her eyes are bright under the streetlights. She turns on her heels to walk backwards in front of Lindsey down the block, hands tucked into the pouch of her hoodie. 

Lindsey tries not to think about Dawn too hard when she shrugs. “Only if we split it.” 

Emily nods along with her and spins back to face forward. They find a food cart that’s still open along the sidewalk and Emily orders them a cup of chocolate and vanilla twist with sprinkles and two spoons. 

“Cheers!” Emily says, handing off one of the spoons and knocking it with her own before taking a bite. 

Emily’s car is a few blocks down the road, so they have time to eat. Lindsey keeps trying to take a bite and Emily keeps lurching forward to steal it right off of her spoon. Eventually, Lindsey catches on and jerks her arm back, spilling a smudge of vanilla on Emily’s nose instead. 

It makes Lindsey laugh a deep, belly laugh that she feels in her chest. That makes _ Emily _ laugh, the genuine, breathless laugh that makes her eyes crinkle. Lindsey’s _ missed _ that. 

She’s missed _ Emily. _

She reaches out to clean the ice cream off of Emily’s nose. She wrinkles it. Lindsey moves her hand to tuck a flyaway strand of hair behind her ear. Their eyes meet for a second and then Emily leans up on her toes to blow a raspberry against Lindsey’s cheek and it’s gone.

Lindsey cracks up again and takes Emily’s hand loosely in hers, just because she can. They swing their joined hands as they walk back to the car, saying nothing at all. It’s a comfortable silence, though, the kind that Lindsey’s missed since Emily left Portland. 

“Driver gets the aux,” Emily says when they climb into her car. 

Lindsey rolls her eyes and grabs Emily’s hand again even as she reaches for the wheel and puts the car in drive. It’s some kind of remix this time and Emily sings along to it at the top of her lungs, missing the higher notes. 

At a traffic light, Lindsey watches Emily’s profile bathed in red light. She notices the little things. There are freckles dusting her cheeks from a summer of soccer. Lindsey studies the angle of her jaw and the way her neck tapers into her shoulder and gives her hand a little squeeze.

The song changes to something by Justin Bieber and Emily catches her eye in the rearview mirror. They both start belting the lyrics as the streetlights guide them home.

-

It’s after one by the time Lindsey settles in bed. Emily had dropped her off on her way back. Her mind is racing but so is her heart. She doesn’t even live in this apartment anymore. After Emily was traded and Cait and Hayley left, she’d moved to a nicer one farther out of downtown. Without them, she didn’t really have any reason to live downtown. She spent a lot more of her evenings at home with Netflix than wandering around to bars and restaurants with her teammates.

Ellie had started calling her old and boring.

Being back here, in her one-bedroom apartment in Portland, feels...right, somehow, in a way her bigger apartment with the natural light didn’t. This _ time _ feels right. Portland, with Sonny, feels more right than anything else.

Her entire body aches in the satisfying way of a good soccer game. Her muscles are tense, but her head doesn’t hurt, and that’s what’s most important right now. Stretched out in her own bed, she falls asleep easily and doesn’t dream.

-

When she wakes up, the first thing Lindsey does is check her phone. 

_ September 7, 2019. _

And several text alerts from Emily, timestamped from early in the morning.

**Dasani: ** linds  
**Dasani:** on my way inside i found this cat  
**Dasani:** do u know anything about cats?  
**Dasani: ** are you a cat person?  
**Dasani:** what should i DO with it  
**Dasani: ** also  
**Dasani:** brunch tmrw? u owe me

Lindsey lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. 

She’s back.

**Author's Note:**

> what'd you think? where do you think i'm going with this? i have an idea and i think it's going to be fun!
> 
> you can request me on twitter @cornerkix_ if you want. thanks for reading!


End file.
